Thank you for emailing

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOLare sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica ,Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

Valentine's Day 2009

This year I was lucky enough to have 2 Valentines, Deke and Tyler. Friday night the 3 of us went to see a play put on by the El Dorado County Theatre. We saw Joseph and the Coat of Dreams and it was amazing. After that we dropped Tyler off at home and went to the singles Vday dance. The first picture is from the dance, yes they had a professional photographer there..it was pretty cool. Saturday was kinda uneventful, Tyler and I went shopping and ran errands while Deke was working the street corner to make some extra skrilla. OK, well he was helping raise money for burn victims. The fire department does it every year and I just couldn't help but drive down to his corner to take pictures. I even made him give me a kiss before I put any money in his boot. I think I will be the most embarrassing mother on the planet once Tyler is old enough to care.

Once Deke was done he came home and we had homemade heart shaped pizzas and yummy desserts. After dinner we watched the movie Fire Proof, which was one of my Vday gifts from Deke. It was a really good movie and I recommend it to anyone who hasn't seen it yet.

I've never been real big on celebrating Valentine's day because I think its just a Hallmark Holiday but it was really nice having someone special to spend it with this year. :)

One of my Valentine's
Tyler's lunch
Our dinner

A Ginormous cookie from Mrs. Fields

Our dessert

I love a man in uniform ;D

Yes, I paid for a kiss. So sue me. Work that corner!

One of my spy pictures...haha

Ice Skating!

We wanted to do something fun with Tyler on Saturday so we drove down to Roseville to go to John's Incredible Pizza but the line was out the door and not moving. So we then decided we would go bowling but we didn't know of any other bowling ally other than Folsom. I can't stand the Folsom bowling ally because I think its extremely trashy, so Deke suggested us going ice skating instead. Tyler and I had never been ice skating before so I was really nervous about the idea. We ended up going to the rink in Folsom on Sutter Street and it was a lot of fun. I was really mad that I didn't have my camera but luckily I was able to take a few shots with my camera phone, hence the terrible photo quality. As you can see Tyler has NO balance and he had a hard time standing up on his own. We were there for an hour and a half and Tyler spent most of the time with a little girl playing with a pile of snow that the owner brought over for them. We want to go again before they close for the session and next time I'll have to remember to bring my camera!!!

Time for a change!

...

Whenever I make cookies I always use the same recipe, its an amazing chocolate chip recipe but I felt it was time for something new. My mom got this recipe of the internet and its a delectable cookie recipe! Give it a try and let me know what you think. You will not be disappointed!!!

Everything but the Kitchen Sink Cookie Recipe:

INGREDIENTS
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/4 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground mace
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1 tablespoon milk
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 cup cornflakes cereal, crumbled
3 cups rolled oats
1/2 cup flaked coconut
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup chopped walnuts


DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets. Sift together flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, mace, nutmeg, and cloves; set aside.
In a large bowl, cream together butter, brown sugar, and white sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs one at a time, then stir in milk and vanilla. Gradually mix in the sifted ingredients until well blended. Using a wooden spoon, stir in the cornflakes, oats, coconut, chocolate chips, and walnuts. Roll the dough into walnut sized balls, and place 2 inches apart on prepared cookie sheets; flatten slightly.
Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely. I found that slightly under baking these yields wonderfully chewy cookies!